last paper tomoro. wahaha!!




ah fang say she's starting to get into her 'post-exam' mood. me? i havent even gotten into my exam mood. blehs. i think i'm going to see an 'f' on my results slip this semester. and then i'll receive that warning letter (if there's any) from the dean's office. as it is, i already have a very much skewed (to the left) cap.. its under 3, under 2.5 even, if i remember correctly. and after my bio paper, my social psych paper and that health psych paper.. hais.. :(


i've been wanting to post up pictures of babe's birthday haw par villa trip. but then, really, not nice de lor.. and my favourite fu lu shou statue is not there already.


guess which are mine?



and ya, if u're gonna tell me my hair's real messy or that my cute 'little' tummy is bulging, i already know.

those were taken at vivo, by the way. the place where ray first brought me to. and then he's never brought me there again. humph!! so bad de..

speaking of birthday, on mine, i wanna go to yangtze, and to turf club, and then to some atas 21 and above club. i was playing with the idea of a tattoo, i want a sun, a very cute yellow sun, with a smiley face in the middle and all.. but then i remembered that i cried when i got my ears pierced. oh well, bizi cannot tattoo.

or can i just mahjong or club or ktv the whole night away? i dun wan anything fanciful. i just dun want to have to be alone. and that stupid act cute boyfriend has to work.

i'm going to go bookmark the text for tomoro's open book ecom paper already. never study, at least look the part to intimidate the person sitting next to me. wahaha. blehs. ^^

i'm very unsatisfied. unsatisfied with my relationship. unsatisfied with my studies. unsatisfied with how my life has been spiralling downwards ever since ever.

i know ray loves me. and i probably should think that i love him too. but there are times when i feel this piercing inadequacy. this lack of understanding. this lack of overlap. i'm a thousand layers of secret, hiding underneath that superficial simplicity. i go into this morose phase very often, when that tiny voice in the back of my head starts to talk to the other, louder voice that comes out in the open.

i'm starting to think that tiny voice is the real me. the me who is untainted by the influence of the world around me. the me who is, but a spectator in the worldly manifestation of superficiality.

perception is reality. what we perceive is what becomes of our reality. but what we perceive is only that superficial veneer, the mask we put on to fit into this demanding, this ugly, this shrinking yet expanding, world. superficial reality. how oxymoronic. how sad. yet how oddly true.


i recognise the fact that u love me. and i perceive it to be true. i further make out that i love u, and i perceive that to be true too. this is how i see it.

and this is why i think it to be true.


10 things i love about ray
1. i love that i can wear heels when i'm around him and still look small.

2. i love that he keeps gawking at me when i'm wearing slightly low-cut tops. my boyfriend is possessive. he says he's the only one who can see things that are only meant for his eyes. but i am the narcissistic self-voyeur, remember? ^^

3. i love that he acts cute relentlessly, and it completely drives me to my knees. i cant even compare. -.-"

4. i love when he offers to carry my bag for me, and i conveniently dump everything to him.

5. i love when he doesnt fuss over me when i cry in the cinema, and proceeds to laugh at me when the show ends and the lights come out.

6. i love when he sings while he drives me home and forgets the lyrics and makes up his own.

7. i love when he calls me and talks nonsense to me because he's really concentrating on his game. and he doesnt want me to find out, but i already have.

8. i love the ridiculously cute morning messages he sends me that makes me smile when i open my eyes, first thing in the day, every day.

9. i love the security that he gives me, that he will always be here if i ever need him to be. i want to buy him shoes, because i want to break that ridiculous myth. because my boyfriend will always be here for me.

10. i love my bao who loves his ah bi. ^^

*muacks*
thanks for putting up with my nonsense. i love u, dear.

*bliss*

*reunited*

i will see my boyfriend in approximately 6 hours. ^^



and my menses just came. no fuck. pun intended.

how inexorably suay can i get?!

its 10 minutes to 5 (AM mind u) and i'm waiting for my ray to msg me to 报平安. if not, i cant sleep. tired. but cant. every few minutes, i'll check my phone and hit the right hand of my xiao bao (because its a voice recordable and i got ah bao to record a msg on it before he left).

not that i'm worried about him. for gods sake, he's really only going to kl.
i'm just worried that he'll forget to msg me, and he'll forget to miss me. blehs.

js say, 'good tt know tt u're in love'
thnx, i am. ^^


i'm now super sleepy. and i've to wake up at 7 later, because i swore i will get my butt down to central library. and i'm meeting babe there at 9. i havent told u how terrible it is to study at home eh? my grandma simply have to come and check on me like every 15 minutes to see if i am hungry/want to eat/have eaten/have eaten/have eaten. urgh! i have a paper on saturday and i have not touched the damn thing yet. doesnt help that i have never touched any of my text books so far. (other than bio and social psych for mid terms. i am so dead. papers on the 21st, 23rd, 25th, 26th and 28th.)

and it is completely irritating that mummy and her (ah ma) keeps feeding me with lots of food. because i have obviously put on weight. ALOT of weight. i'm back to wearing my size 26 jeans already. urgh!

even janette said my face looked rounder. as did lian mei mei. and a whole shitload of other ppl. yikes!

oh. and my ah bao is damn cute. he actually told babe to acc me while he's away because i'll be sad. he's damn paranoid about me being sad, and tt i'll run away. kekes. ^^

am beginning to 发花痴 abit and the 相思病 has totally set in already.



my boyfriend. my very very vain boyfriend. my super act seh boyfriend. my cute boyfriend. my king kong sup pao super sup kae boyfriend.

now u know that he's good at photoshop and alot better than me at it. and yes, he uses that as his friendster pic to 骗小妹妹.. i havent logged in to friendster in a long time (other than checking that few friendster blogs, tts why u prolly see me as logging in every day) so i dunno if he's changed it. doesnt change the fact that he's damn vain.

oh, and he totally cannot stand it when i dun wash my face before i sleep. i merely remove make up and rinse. if no make up, then just rinse. i think i said this before, right? oh well, my mantra is, as long as i'm not sticky or smelly or oily (but i'm not oily one), then i'm clean and good to go to bed. ^^

k, i shall go close my eyes and hug the new bolster that i bought on tuesday with ah bao at courts toa payoh and pray tt he msg me soon so i can go to sleep.

this is ah bi..




this is ah bao..




together, this is ah bi and ah bao..





ray is going to kl tomoro, and he'll only be back on sunday. in the meantime, ah bao will accompany me. tts why mine is called ah bao and his is called ah bi. ^^


(the reason why i'm so pissed with him going away is cuz he wont be able to take leave to acc me on my birthday, my 21st birthday. even though ah fang slept hers away, at least she was sleeping beside lian. even though zhiyong wasnt back yet, at least kes had an awesome time.

that and the fact that it eats me to be studying my ass off while he's enjoying himself.

and oh, i'll miss him. we've been meeting every other day since the start. its gonna be weird not being able to hug my baobao.)

as much as i would love to drown u in my cantankerous depression, that which i have submerged myself in, i'd rather make this a happy happy entry. afterall, the astute bombshell who came up with this ingenous saying 'i'll bring smiles to the faces of those around me when i'm sad. at least then, i can rub some happiness off them.' is none other than urs truly.

bah.. anyways.. smelly fang still haven send me the pictures from that time yet. humph! so inefficient one. but, i still have a whole lot of pictures waiting to blog about. ^^

i really ought to be busy studying for my bio psych paper which is like on saturday and which i have not started on yet. i have no idea what came into me this sem, for the same time last semester, babe and i were busy securing the best window seats in central library from the ah tiongs and the ah nehs and the other last minute buddha leg huggers. i keep having this 'my cap cannot possibly drop any further' thought, which is really true, but u never know, and it is keeping me from my books!! urgh!!

bah. i'll start studying come wednesday when i go join suting at smu. dunno why that nus psych major wanna go smu to study. but oh well. nearer my house, and supposedly emptier. in the meantime, pictures!!


first up, before i start my deluge of ray-ness, uncle man!! after u see the following, u're likely to subscribe to the fictitious notion that bizi is a bully. wahaha!



okie, so these pictures were taken a damn long time ago. (like u cant tell he's wearing that christmasy reindeer hairband.) but since i'm going to post up uncle man, i might as well post from the beginning.


uncle man, in MY adidas jacket.


uncle man's very pweety nails. ^^ (my toe nails are in this combi now. and ah bao absolutely hates it.)


i was so fed up with lao wu puo that i went to break chopsticks. then uncle man tried breaking with his nostrils. really. this is wat makes work bearable.


seriously, the stone pot/bowl thingy is very heavy.


that vainpot went to curl his lashes.

ah bao seems to like uncle man alot. he was saying the other night, 'cannot talk to other guys on msn wor.' then he added, 'can talk to uncle man only'.. -.-"


i realise i've been taking pictures of bao kissing me, and i rarely take pictures of me kissing him back. so here. this was taken the day we went to watch 'meet the robinsons' and havent i told u its a great show? why arent u watching it yet, huh?


ah bao's favourite picture of the night. because i am blurred. bao always say 'bi very pweety when the lights are dim' knn. means bright bright see clearly is ugly la. humph!

oh. i had to crop it like that because my mimi looks somewhat selacious. -.-"

we went to watch '200 pound beauty' on saturday night, and i at least looked nice before the show.



my boyfriend looks damn shuai in that first picture. i like. ^^

oh, and this is the after.


sibeh swollen the eyes, i tell u. the one good thing that i learnt, was that my majorlica majorca mascara is waterproof. and so is the face shop eyeliner.

and oh, the show's damn nice too. its because of this that i've made up my mind to go learn korean this holiday. away with the lousy subtitles and dubbing. i will learn and master the language in the 3 months to come. and then i shall smugly go ask for my payrise. now that i can speak korean, i dun see why they cant pay me the same rate they pay the koreans.

who wanna join me?

oh yes, speaking of holiday plans, i'm going to work my ass off and save as much money as i possibly can (which will amount to very little) because i wanna go taiwan with ah fang in october!! actually, i also dunno go for wat, but i just wanna go la. ^^

babe says she's going to bring her 'chicken nuggets brother' after he finishes his exams, and she totally forgot we had our exams. but oh well. i'm going to go still. blehs.

and then, i'm trying to convince mummy to go korea in december. when uncle man goes back. free lodgings and tour guide. okie, maybe not lodgings, but definitely got free guide. daddy was just complaining about how his tour group of aunties made his trip so much less enjoyable. haha. ^^

honey, u wanna go?


anyways, back to my photo flood. ^^

i've been complaining incessantly about becoming fatter recently, and then i bugged ah bao to bring me with him when he went to wash his van that day. i was telling him i wanted to help. so..



my kingkong sup pao super sup kae boyfriend. erm, he's really abit smelly here, cuz it was damn humid and he was sweating away. but i like. ^^

oh, and he was wearing gloves because he cut his hand the other day when the fan dropped from the table and the cover flew off from the thing and then one of the blades broke and assaulted my bao's helpless hand, all because according to him i kicked the mattress that hit the fan and caused it to lose balance and fall and yada yada, while we were that-one that-one ing. actually no, we havent started, and the whole chain of events plus ah bao's bleeding hand made us lose wateva mood we were in. major turn off. stupid fan.

anyways, back to the pictures. being tall has its advantages. for instance,



anyways, i've been wanting to do this for a long time,


still doesnt quite capture that he's 20cm taller than me. i'm 168 for that matter. which is why i can still wear my 4" wedges happily. ^^

u didnt see me helping? i was! i was busy, erm, studying the snails,


they attached themselves to the wall by the carpark and i was really busy studying if they were moving. -.-"

and oh cuz, i was busy taking pictures of my boyfriend, and erm, falling asleep in the van. hees. ^^

and so, to award me for my hardwork, ah bao bought me this,


bird nest!!

fake bird nest. i actually finished it despite its completely artificial taste. and if u must know, i didnt finish the one that mummy double-boiled for me the last time she did that, which was ages ago. humph!

maybe if i had really been helping ah bao, he would get me real bird nest, complete with the pao sim (which i love the bitter bitter taste) and all. ^^

we had pizza for dinner that day. because i proudly declared that my sorethroat has healed. but then, thanks to the drumlets and the 2-3 slices that i had, i'm now coughing like mad again. tamade.


us, sending me home.

actually, maybe i'm coughing because of that milo dinosaur. urgh! ya, i think tts the case.


and then today..


i happen to think i look quite nice today, but bao refused to take more picture with me. urgh! smelly bao.


i am so monotonous. i am so boring. i am so uninteresting!! i am becoming such a teeny boper blogger, with all my 'u're so cuddly i like u' boyfriend posts.

reality bites. my reality is but an ugly truth. i'm far from happy these days, but i'm not willing to let this become some avenue for my frustration, like how the old blog was. when u indulge in anger, it becomes some cruel cycle that sucks u into unhappiness. when i blog, i shall blog only about happy things, think happy thoughts to blog about. and then, even if it bores the hell out of u, at least it's made me happy in the process.

i used to blog about how sad i am, how many problems bug me down, how fast i'm sinking into depression, and they worry the hell out of those who read my blog and who care about me. i am emotionally unstable, that much, i'll admit. that much, sadly, will always be part of me. but these days, i've become too skeptic to even become depressed. sad, but true.

i know who my friends are. and even though i rarely reach out to u, because tts just the way i am, i know u are there for me if i'll ever need u. i know who my friends are. and when i'm depressed, when i'm sad, i will reach out to u, instead of having to resort to this detached removed channel of blogging.


i've been wanting to say this for a long time,

u'll never have to write me another letter. nor do u have to keep checking on my blog to see if i'm alright. i really am. if i'm not, i promise u'll be the first to know. (apart from ah bao, who i will undoubtedly amplify everything to. girls always act ke lian and become this helpless little kitty cat in front of their boyfriends anyways.)

i'm sorry if i made u feel unimportant. because u always have been, and will still always be, the bestest best friend i can have.

i love u honey. ^^


urgh! people is complaining that i blog too slowly and that people has fallen asleep on people's comp desk. yada yada. as if these people blog as regularly as i do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH FANG!

before i start,


goh suleen got blog alot meh? last entry also less than 10 lines de..
chew huifang got blog alot meh? last entry only 1 line de..

still dare to say i blog very little.. at least my entries are LONG..

--------------------------------------


ah bao and me went to dine at ajisen (my ah bao loves ajisen.) the other day to celebrate our pathetic 2nd monthsary. eeks. honey and daniel celebrated their 46th, babe and lian meimei celebrated their 2nd year. i am so pathetic!! one day, it will be my turn too. humph..

all that lim chieh sern's fault for deserting me. but oh well.. luckily lim chieh sern deserted me. if not i wouldnt have found ah bao, that smelly ah bao, who is playing his stupid game, ignoring me.

see




and while my ah bao is gaming away, hardworking bizi is busy doing her health psych paper.

see



oh, u're not supposed to, in case u do realise that i'm watching youtube behind that word document. blehs. like u'd all believe i'm really doing my work when ah bao is here to distract me.

this is what i have been really doing.

kissing ah bao..



forcing him to take pictures with me, despite knowing damn well that i look like shit and is too lazy busy to photoshop my eyebags and his pimples/acne away.



and i have been very busy taking incriminating shots of him ignoring me.



here's a close-up. see, i'm so bored.


smelly ah bao. ignore me. humph!! (oh, i just realise my mimi is at ah bao's armpit.. wait become smelly, like babe's head. i shall be more careful next time. hahaha..)


i've been coughing for days already. and its all ah bao's fault for spreading it to me. and i'm spreading it to kes, or so she says, because she sounds damn okie to me. was actually going to go see doctor just now. bao forced me to. but i managed to convince him that i'm okie already, so we ended up not seeing the doctor, and going to macdonald's for lunch. had mcchicken, ice milo and lotsa fries with chilli sauce and mayonnaise. so much for coughing. i think i'm going to cough to death already.

and i'm blaming my cough now on ah bao for bringing me to mac for lunch. -.-"

ah bao just made me take this cough syrup thingy, that supposedly doesnt cause drowsiness but i have been yawning away, and my head has been spinning non-stop since i took it. it does make me drowsy. *pouts*

aiya, must be me being lazy and coming up with some self-handicapping reason to attribute my failure to complete the health psych paper when i go home later on. blehs..

i've been drinking lotsa crysanthemum tea lately because ah bao makes me. and it reminds me of the luo han guo that babe bought me on my first day of work at novena. (is it the first day? i think it is.) the luo han guo that made me cringe everytime i drink it. eeks.. i swear i'll never drink luo han guo again, ever.


daddy is going to korea later today. with his friends. and mummy asked me a few weeks ago if i wanted to go. she said she'll sponsor my expenses and all. then when i told her that i cant cuz i'm having my exams, she actually had the decency to tell me 'ya, i know. if not u think i'll ask meh?' some mother. purposely one lor.

so didi asked daddy to buy him a set of korean cutlery. with the super skinny metal chopsticks and the damn long spoon, which we already have one set that mummy stole from this korean restaurant we went to like 2 years ago. its not nice to use, and i have no idea why didi likes them so much. crazy.

oh. mummy asked daddy to buy her lvs from korea. korean lv that didi and i insisted are fakes, but which mummy claims to be 'not fake. just korean instead of italy (i cant remember she said where la).' and when we gave her the 'dun lie to urself' look, she said 'looks like real one wat. somemore not very cheap one lor.'

-.-"

i'm beginning to think if the 3 lvs that i stole from her last year are fakes too. i already know that the gucci is fake, and thats after my comb accidentally scratched the thing and damn near made a hole. i was so scared she'd find out, then didi said mummy told him its a fake from hk.

so now, i'm using it like its some worthless piece of shit, dragging it to classes. blehs.


i better go back to doing my health psych paper, before ah bao realise i'm actually blogging instead of doing my work.

before i go though,



my ah bao say he looks better in the second picture, and i say the first one is nicer. but i think everybody else will just shrug and say they're the same. its funny how people are more critical, and think more highly of themselves. spotlight effect. ^^

and since i'm so fond of taking pictures, (photowhore sounds bad la.)











actually, my ah bao is very adept at acting cute also de lor. eeks. i better go practise more in front of the mirror if not i'll pale in comparison. then again, my bao is so cute, i already do. ^^

and i really think my eyebrows are not that thick ma.. its really just long and dark.. pluck/trim le also no use.. hor?


and before i forget, here's the very ugly korean superstar who came to our shop the other day, my favourite korean emailed me his picture. and she's been emailing me alot, in korean, like i understand. and she knows i dun understand. -.-"

that smelly picture got virus one lor. it took me some effort to save it to my lappie. and i will delete it once i've posted it. so i die die will post it to let everybody (who reads my blog) know how ugly he is. yucks.

he reallys creeps me out in that picture and babe said he looks like he doesnt have penis. so ya. just warning u. ^^
(and u dun have to tell me our shop looks messy. i already know. bk's fault.)




yucky right?! in case that picture filled u with as much fear and shock as it did me, here's my favourite celebrity baby in the whole world, kingston rossdale. (i think tts how u spell his name.)




so cute!! ^^

k la. i better go already. else, i will never finish my health psych paper. oh yes, bao's sister's boyfriend makes very nice pasta. better than didi's.

i googled, but failed, to find a picture of supposed korean singing sensation, lee an, who visited our shop the other day and plastered his big, ugly signature on the under side of the cover page of my once-beautiful notebook.

the said notebook has been chucked to one side, and it has since not failed to evoke an expression of 'eeww-ness' each time i set eyes on it. like i even wanted his ugly signature in the first place, and of all places, he had to sign at the under side of the cover page, under my beautiful name. the space where i had reserved for my beloved da dong. urgh!!

and u cant expect me to tear out the cover page right? it is the cover page after all. the cute cover page. of all pages, that freaking ugly sensation had to sign on a page where i cant tear it out. stupid de.

bk was so excited to see him, i tell u. she was practically talking to him the entire time, plastering her face into all of the photographer's shots, much to his exasperation of cuz. and to think i was coerced into the photo taking session with the aunties and that ugly singing sensation. urgh!! hopefully, my smirk doesnt appear in the pathetic article on the 72nd issue of u-weekly according to, i cant remember who liao la.

in any case, i'm thinking it wont. afterall, lee an is this unknown whoever, and i doubt the article would be big enough to even feature anything redundant, like us.

and it was really damn paisae because i was like, 'huh? got ming xing ar? who? where?' and i was looking around the shop and then, noticing no one relatively famous, i went to tell sally, 'aiya. must be not famous one la.' i think the manager or somebody heard me and was like explaining he's some korean star based in singapore or something la. like i'm even remotely interested lor. waste my time pretending to be impressed.

not famous means not famous.


anyways, didi managed to get into rp. after a whole month of torturous wait, he's at least managed to get into poly. yes i know rp is like shit, but better than nothing la. i dun think i was this happy when i knew i got into jc, or even nus. *yay*

my boyfriend say cannot keep musing about how cute he is, or else my friends will start to pang seh me. oh well. he's starting to become uncute anyways.. smelly and all, having just reached home, and still playing away at his stupid game, refusing to go bath.


oh, and my spiteful mother went to sew a patch of cloth over the front part of my bolster because she thinks its too smelly. like i asked her to smell it lor. now my bolster has none of its defining characteristics liao la.

it used to be..
smelly, but its my smell, so i like. my years of salivating essence, plus sneezes, plus the occasional tears and all.

it used to be..
harder at the top and softer at the bottom where i kiap it at.

it used to be..
shiny at the top part because i must touch it to make me fall asleep.

all gone! all gone!


i shall go mourn the lost essence of me-ness in my bolster, as i cough away.

the last