at the fattest point in my life, my mother told me i had no need to lose weight.

at the ugliest point in my life, my mother told me i looked pretty.


i was painting my nails just now, my mother came in and she said, 'wa! colour so nice ar?'

-.-


anyways, i speculated that boon lay, where dear stays, is the furthest possible estate from toa payoh.

and i was right.

damn sad one can? that your boyfriend stays so ridiculously far from your house. and he stays so much nearer to your school, and then you stay even nearer to his workplace.


i hate boon lay. i wish i had wings. hell, i wish i could teleport. teleport, not apparate. cuz apparating feels like squeezing through tight rubber bands, according to ron and harry, i think. so yes, i wish i could teleport. i wish i can teleport to boon lay right now. i wish i could teleport and appear on dear right now. i figured appearing on is much more dramatic than appearing next to him. so if i am wishing, i might as well wish for something bigger.

oh. my boyfriend is gaming right now, and he wants me to kiss him.


muacks!

if only i could teleport and appear right on him now. see la!! i should be in hogwarts instead of nus.

which reminds me of this stupid pis (psychological immune system) theory that we learnt in social psych. your pis triggers and optimizes your satisfaction when you make an unchangeable choice. so there, i should stop thinking about how i would have been better off if i had taken econs or english literature instead of this stupid psychology.

i had a good hair day today.

and my boyfriend looks ridiculously cute in my trucker cap.


actually, i just wanted to upload our pictures la. u cant see my good hair day, and neither can you tell ray, my ray looks damn cute in that poor lighting. lol.

i cant stand it, you know. he doesnt just look cute, he is cute. i better stop now before i go into my 'boyfriend is cute' trance and start chanting the line repeatedly. everyone, should, by now, know already that my boyfriend is cute.

oh oh.. something else. guess where?


those picture were taken inside a bus.. 153, if you want to know. like why would they want to spend our bus fares on such lavish furnishings, which will just mold and become real smelly and disgusting real soon. waste my $50+ a month on concession. yucks.


i took the liberty of editting this post since i am so free now. you know, i really knew about the cancellation of my bio psych tutorial. afterall, i read the damn announcement twice. i just happen to forget about it in my moment of excitement for ray to come fetch me from school. i actually had the smarts to tell my fellow tutorial mate, while we 2 confused individuals loitered outside the lab room, 'oh. its cancelled le ma.'

i is stupid. -.-"

oh yes. i am going to edit my wish list and remove bigger boobs from the list soon. (in fact, i should have removed it by the time you read this.) i no no want rasputia (if tts how you spell her name) titis. ewww..

okie, i'm going to go browse skin for babe's new blogspot blog and slack around and read some of my stats notes and stuff while i wait for my very cute boyfriend.

jiesheng and i broke up many many months ago because of the perpetuated confusion we caused ourselves. his fixation with a past long gone and my vindictive agenda to force him back into my reality were the deciding elements to the grand finale of an ugly resolution.

jiesheng and i broke up because we carried our childish obstinacy one step too far.

the immediate weeks following the break up, all i could ever think of was how to make myself appear happy. how to make him regret losing me. how to make him want me back. looking back, the beginnings with weiming seem only to concur my belief that i had desperately wanted jiesheng to want me back.

i was pathetic. up until i saw the naked truth that has been lying there in my face for the longest time. that everything had to be about him. his logic. his point of view. his theories. him. and when my needs, my wants, my hopes were shelved for the thousandth time to make way for the upholding of his absolute doctrine, i made up my mind that i can never allow myself to be subserved to his dogma.

and last night, i confirmed my decision to turn away from the future which i had at one point, prayed my heart out for. the memories still hold dear, very very dear. afterall, i loved jiesheng more than i ever loved. afterall, it had been 322 days of intense emotions.

and all come to pass with that resolute stance i took and is determined to see through.


i told ray that jiesheng pitched to me the idea of a happiness back with him. ray worries i will run away with that stubborn and vexatious ex boyfriend. and suddenly, i dont know how to reassure him of my feelings for him. somehow, i find it hard to believe. afterall its only been 3 weeks. 3 short weeks. how much ground can we have covered in 3 short weeks?

i miss you darling, i really do. i miss you all the time, even when you're there beside me, which is why i keep turning to look at you.

days have become weeks, weeks are going turn into months, months will disappear into years. i'm not going to run away with anyone. i'm not going to go anywhere, unless i go with you.

there's only one special someone in my life now. there can only be enough room in my heart for one person.

ray, who i have been meeting every day.
ray, who makes every day not feel like every day anymore.
ray, who worries about the increasing mileage and the increasing frequency of his petrol kiosk visits.
ray, who elbows me when we sleep.
ray, whose snores have become my lullaby.
ray, whose messages never fail to make me smile.
ray, with his disgustingly cute yellow boxers, which is too obscene cute to be posted.
ray, with his insanely long arms.
ray, with his super cute new hair.
ray, the irresistibly cute boyfriend.
ray, the dweller in my reverie.
ray, my addiction.
ray, my love.



i'll turn into a yucky mole and attach myself to the most conspicuous part of your face if you even think about leaving me. blehs.

春天散步夏天看海秋天数落叶
一直没有烦恼
一直没有争吵
让每天像糖一样甜

冬天飘雪我是棉被温暖你的夜
一直在你身边
一直爱到永远
你就负责靠着我的肩

ps. why singapore only have sun and rain de? makes all the sweet songs obsolete.

*angry*

the boyfriend is a gaming siao. in fact, a smoking gaming siao. half a month into the relationship and i can see us quarreling over the number of cigarettes he smokes a day and the amount of time he spends on his WoW or PS2..


this is the second or third time i've been stuck in his house like that.. now u know it really isnt all that awkward when my msn nickname reads 'stuck in a room with 4-5 guys'.. all of whom, gaming siaos who doesnt pay me any attention while i bask in my movies..


but really, other than the fact that ray smokes hell of a lot, and spends more time gaming than all the other activities combined, he really is the cutest, sweetest boyfriend in my whole entourage of ex-es..


he entertains me when i'm bored..



and continues doing so, even in the midst of gaming..



but bizi is hard to please, so he ends up looking like this most of the time.. ^^



he cooks for me in his sexy cute boxers when we wake up in the mornings, without expecting me to wash the dishes.



okie, fine it doesnt look very appealing.. tastes nice though..


my boyfriend is ridiculously cute, especially when he says, and insists i'm cute.. or when he refuses to hug me when i throw tantrums in public.. he's cute when he's driving and then suddenly make funny faces when he realizes i'm staring at him.. and when he sings and then makes up his own lyrics because he cant remember the actual ones.. he's cute when he cracks jokes which are not funny, to which jonathan (his friend) will always laugh.. he's most cute when he pats my nicely tied up hair and messes it up, leading me to have a love-hate relationship with that action.. and also when he makes his friends and his mum play mahjong with me because he knows i want to..

i love ray alot. and everyday, i seem to love him even more than i did the day before. everytime i look at him, it makes me want to love him more. even when i'm angry that he's smoking again.. even when i'm angry because its been 2 hours and he's still gaming when he said he'd go bath.. love makes u blind. makes u overlook some of the ugly side to things. and ray's cuteness makes it easier to overlook these ugliness..

perhaps there will come a day when love is no longer enough for me to overlook these things.. maybe one day he might realize he's really not able to stand my neuroticism.. but that day is most possibly a long way ahead. in the meantime, i should just bask in my saccharine sweetness and not think that much. ray secretly worries i think too much, and sometimes, i kinda think so too. therefore, i need to provide my active geminian imagination with some positive feed lest it invest in too much unhealthy thoughts.

an ex boyfriend once told me that in any relationship, communication is the key to its success.. (sounds very much like something that someone will say.) i've since learned that communication isnt all there is to it, because if it was, i wouldnt have broken up with that boyfriend, or rather, he wouldnt have left with me. with ray, i've come to see that more important than communication is the ability to laugh things off, the ability to move along together, on a same pace, at the same rate. and because he is perpetually clueless half the time, and makes the most inappropriate comments at the weirdest times, i really just cant stop smiling like a goofball when he's around.

my boyfriend makes my day. just thinking about it makes a seemingly bad day feel better. after going through all those failed relationship, i know what the odds are that this is just the initial 'honeymoon period'. i dun need to be told. i want to believe. and in order to do that, all these skepticism and negativity shall be banished to a realm far from the reaches of my imaginary threshold.

in the meantime, i ought to force ray to read, since reading is my one true indulgence, and i shall secretly train myself to at least know how to game.. so. dreading. it.

at the dawn of this blog, just as i clicked on 'save template', a grasshopper hopped into my room. (i'm not sure if i should use flew since i'm not sure if grasshoppers actually do fly.)

and by reflex, i aimed didi's bedroom slippers, which are in my possession while he's in malaysia, at the icky green little jumpy monster. it hit. and my room is now filled with this incredibly pungent grassy smell, which i totally cannot stand. yucks!!

for a start, it wasnt in my intention to kill the thing. (i think it is dead now, ray-the boyfriend, just confirmed on msn that grasshopper's 'blood' is super smelly, as do all other insect's.) i merely wanted to scare it so that it leaves my room, little did i expect my hit to be that bloody accurate (pun intended).

so now, i am stuck here, on my bed, without my slippers and i really need to go shit. (i have no idea why wearing slippers into the toilet makes me shit easier.) and oh, the room is still super smelly, and i am half afraid of stepping off the bed because i imagine the grasshopper would somehow manage to push the slipper away from his scrawny little yucky green smelly body and leap at me.

i am paranoid.


i was going to blog about how grueling it is to choose a nice skin among the hundreds and thousands and millions that are available on blogskins. i was going to complain about the hours i spent browsing, editing, and finally deciding against the final product. i was going to complain about how irritating the 'cant save template' problem i've been facing for the past week is actually solved by clicking on one pathetic icon at the bottom of the page. i was going to whine about how i dun really like this final skin.

and i was also going to let kat know how very thankful i am for sending me the html script to password protect this blog, which i was going to acknowledge as the reason for my switch.

but because of that one possibly dead, and unbelievably smelly grasshopper lying under didi's bedroom slipper in the middle of my room, approximately one metre from the bed, i am no longer able to blog about all those things i wanted to blog about. instead, my thoughts have been overwhelmed by the crafty insect.


i took a closer inspection from my bed, and behind the blurry vision of astigmatism and myopia, i think i see the grasshopper's head and the feelers emerging from under didi's bedroom slippers. i almost imagine it to be looking at me with vengeful eyes and sending signals to its horde of smelly grasshopper brothers and sisters to avenge his sudden death.

maybe i should rename my blog 'the grasshopper that died under didi's bedroom slipper on the second day of chinese new year, 2007' to appease its wronged soul so that i will not drown in a sea of angry and smelly grasshoppers.

but i am really too narcissistic to name my blog after one ugly and dead grasshopper, i shall risk the possibility of me dying a peaceful, fragrant, painless death to indulge in my narcissistic pleasure. the blog name remains. (by the way, what's the name of my blog ar?)


damn, i really need to go summon enough courage to hide away the carcass of the grasshopper before yingsi, xueting, kenny and honey, the kaypo extra come over for mahjong.