i wonder what's come into me these days. i'm missing that obnoxiously irritating raymond tan more than i have ever imagined i would. its like the more i see of him, the more i miss him.

and i hate it.

i completely hate it. i completely hate being that love-struck puppy that i've become the past few weeks. i completely hate this incredibly vulnerable feeling that puts me at a position where i sit by the pathetically falling apart phone, waiting and hoping ray would call soon.

but of cuz ray being ray, makes it alot better by calling often enough for me to not sink into that depressive mood a year and a half ago.


so it is. with a terribly aching back and completely sore feet that i sit on my comfortable and slightly smelly bed complaining about what a bore my life has become after the end of the exams. i'm rather wishing it was still exam period. i'm rather missing that hype brought about by the stress of exams. the hype that is so missing from my ridiculously monotonous life. and i'm supposed to be having the best time of my life now at 21, no?

gosh. if this was the best time of my life indeed, i might as well end the tedium of this colourless existence.


pump some life into my being, wont you?!

it doesnt help that raymond tan, the impressionable 25 year old is getting involved into things that he is not sure of and is asking me for my two cents worth, to my immense exasperation. i dont want to be your mother. i want to be the pathetic, loserish, dependent, meowish girlfriend who cannot stand without holding on to you for support.

in short, i want to be stupid. stupid people really have got it better dont they? for one, they dont realise they're stupid. just like the ugly and/or the irritating never realise their abhorrence.

and it doesnt help that me with my terribly aching back and completely sore feet has to put on a straight, delightful face to daddy's queries as to where i have been the entire day. 'daddy, i have been working, because i feel bad squandering the money you earn from waking up at 5am every morning, at which time, i have been up watching pathetic dvds on my laptop, pretending that my heart does not ache from hearing you wake up so early in the morning, pretending to be asleep.'

but of course i didnt say that. but of course i put up that half-hearted plastic smile and waved my way through his, i hate to say this, irritating questions.

it is with guilt that i slouch here over my old and slowing laptop, hearing didi answer daddy's harmless questions in a way that completely invites chiding.


and so it is with guilt and the utmost irritation (because raymond tan is rambling on non-stop and rambling nonsense non-stop) that i end my entry and dwelve into harry potter and the half-blood prince for the thousandth time. will somebody buy me the first 5 books. i want the adult cover. and i want hard cover. thanks.