jiesheng and i broke up many many months ago because of the perpetuated confusion we caused ourselves. his fixation with a past long gone and my vindictive agenda to force him back into my reality were the deciding elements to the grand finale of an ugly resolution.

jiesheng and i broke up because we carried our childish obstinacy one step too far.

the immediate weeks following the break up, all i could ever think of was how to make myself appear happy. how to make him regret losing me. how to make him want me back. looking back, the beginnings with weiming seem only to concur my belief that i had desperately wanted jiesheng to want me back.

i was pathetic. up until i saw the naked truth that has been lying there in my face for the longest time. that everything had to be about him. his logic. his point of view. his theories. him. and when my needs, my wants, my hopes were shelved for the thousandth time to make way for the upholding of his absolute doctrine, i made up my mind that i can never allow myself to be subserved to his dogma.

and last night, i confirmed my decision to turn away from the future which i had at one point, prayed my heart out for. the memories still hold dear, very very dear. afterall, i loved jiesheng more than i ever loved. afterall, it had been 322 days of intense emotions.

and all come to pass with that resolute stance i took and is determined to see through.


i told ray that jiesheng pitched to me the idea of a happiness back with him. ray worries i will run away with that stubborn and vexatious ex boyfriend. and suddenly, i dont know how to reassure him of my feelings for him. somehow, i find it hard to believe. afterall its only been 3 weeks. 3 short weeks. how much ground can we have covered in 3 short weeks?

i miss you darling, i really do. i miss you all the time, even when you're there beside me, which is why i keep turning to look at you.

days have become weeks, weeks are going turn into months, months will disappear into years. i'm not going to run away with anyone. i'm not going to go anywhere, unless i go with you.

there's only one special someone in my life now. there can only be enough room in my heart for one person.

ray, who i have been meeting every day.
ray, who makes every day not feel like every day anymore.
ray, who worries about the increasing mileage and the increasing frequency of his petrol kiosk visits.
ray, who elbows me when we sleep.
ray, whose snores have become my lullaby.
ray, whose messages never fail to make me smile.
ray, with his disgustingly cute yellow boxers, which is too obscene cute to be posted.
ray, with his insanely long arms.
ray, with his super cute new hair.
ray, the irresistibly cute boyfriend.
ray, the dweller in my reverie.
ray, my addiction.
ray, my love.



i'll turn into a yucky mole and attach myself to the most conspicuous part of your face if you even think about leaving me. blehs.

春天散步夏天看海秋天数落叶
一直没有烦恼
一直没有争吵
让每天像糖一样甜

冬天飘雪我是棉被温暖你的夜
一直在你身边
一直爱到永远
你就负责靠着我的肩

ps. why singapore only have sun and rain de? makes all the sweet songs obsolete.

*angry*